Expletive undeleted

It takes a bold public speaker - or a particularly uncouth one - to open a talk with a four-letter word. 

Oliver James is far from uncouth, even if he does make an apparent point of dressing down.  And, to be fair, the f*** was a quote.  But it still created an unexpected frisson among his audience at this year's Wells literary festival.

Mr James clearly has a fondness for the expletive, as two of his books have it as part of the title.  And, of course, the source is the well-known poem – This Be The Verse -  by Philip Larkin on the hang-ups that parents unintentionally (usually) pass on from one generation to the next.

On this, and a great deal more, Oliver James was both fascinating and compelling, and left me wanting more.

He started by citing research that appears significantly to down-play the role of genes in behaviour, and supports the view that it is nurturing and appropriate parenting in the crucial early years that are by far and away most important. 

It was such a positive message as, of course, this means there is the potential to intervene and improve parenting in a way that is not possible with genes.   The key years are from pre-birth to 6 years.  

Oliver James contrasted investment and provision in the early years in a country such as Denmark with the UK.  He also spoke of the egalitarian approach in Scandinavian societies compared with Britain.  And then observed that there are about four times more reported mental health problems in the UK than Denmark, with Britain and the USA leading the field in terms of emotional unhappiness. 

He broadened things out with a critique of political systems that champion growth as the over-riding goal, providing profits for the few ahead of looking to nurture individuals:  an unsustainable position which he predicted will have to change in the face of environmental pressures.

In answer to questions, he listed some essentials for emotional health:

1.               Living in the present

2.               Being assertive, but with good listening skills

3.               Achieving insight regarding ourselves and how our backgrounds impact on us

4.               Promoting playfulness in our lives

5.               Avoiding hyperactivity

6.               Being authentic rather than sincere

     

All good stuff, and things that I strongly support and identify with.  And ironic – just a bit – that his message comes when early years’ provision and support for families are being cut.  And in the name of economics rather than common-sense.  

Hitch-free

It was a beautiful, warm autumn Saturday on the coast path from Weymouth to Lulworth Cove.  We walked along with hardly a care in the world.  Except, that is, the nagging thought of how we were going to get back.

I guess that, not so long ago, there would have been a bus.  But such services have shrunk in response to financial cuts and the seemingly inexorable rise in car use. 

I’d rung a taxi firm, who would be very happy to take us back.…for £35.  Which seemed even steeper than the Dorset cliffs that we had scrambled over for 12 miles.

So we began to consider hitching.  It seemed a good plan, but when we reached Lulworth, I began to have my doubts.   It’s one thing having a romantic notion of sticking your thumb out.  But doing it seemed rather harder.

We considered standing at the exit to the car park.  But it seemed so public, and we feared the humiliation of still being there after an hour, watched with amusement by the queue at the ice-cream kiosk. 

We decided to walk out of the village a little way, and found a quiet spot just before a lay-by.  And, much to my astonishment, the first available car stopped.  In fact I was so taken aback that I assumed they had pulled up for another reason, and I continued standing with my thumb out while Annie opened the door and started chatting to the driver.

She was from Canada and couldn't have been more friendly or accommodating.  She diverted from her intended route to take us to Weymouth, dropping us right back at our car.    

Perhaps we were just lucky.  Although, as we reflected, we would have presented a good bet as hitch-hikers go:  a reasonably-presented, friendly-looking couple in their late 50s.  I guess most people just assumed that our car had broken down.